Friday, September 26, 2008
Weekend Plans
Well it's time I start looking forward and not behind. There is nothing I can do about Mark, its truly over and was a looooong time ago for him. I could tell by COCO's last comment I've beaten a dead horse and there is nothing more to say, everyone has moved on accept me. That's the problem with being the dumpee, you are always the last one to know..His friends and your friends knew it was coming but the dumpee is always the last to really know and probably the last to move on. No matter what new info I learn, no matter how much I learn I was right about this or that it does not change the fact its over and all parties have moved on and i'm making myself look like a fool. Mark does not need me or want me as a real friend its just to awkward and he has a friend and someone to be there for him..David..that is no longer my role. So stop it Ken, Just stop talking about it and move on.Well a bunch of people will be in town this weekend some friends from college and an old ex Travis. Travis is from about three years ago. We are cool now, no issues. I know he wants to see me and I know he probably wants to have sex, but I'm not feeling that with him. He is still good looking I'm just not feeling sex with him, so if we do chill it will be in public. I do want to see Mirical at St. Anna tonight. Not sure what Sat. holds maybe the gym, studying, catching up on some work, maybe chill with the out of towners, Any good gay house parties in Atl anyone knows about or something like that... send me a email and let me know (kennonp1@gmail.com) Sunday I'm going to church for sure. I've not been in forever and its time.I don't know what the future holds, but I know who holds the future... until next time.. Good luck and Gods speed. Thank you all for real E-hugs to JACK,COCO and Nario.
Posted by KennonP at 4:55 AM 1 comments
Labels: Lessons Learned, the move on
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Curiousity Killed the cat and No friend of mine,..
My fellow blogger JACK in is comment about my friend who called me to tell me about Mark and David was right.. he is no friend of mine. Now all I can think about, as I try to go on with my day are the things he told me. I imagine that 11inch dick going up Marks ass, I know what COCO said but dude that makes me feel like less of a man. It makes me wonder was I big enough for him? I'll never know, people don't tell you things like that. Maybe that's why he cheated maybe I was not big enough he needed more. I remember asking him was it big enough he said yeah. I remember reading a email to a friend of his where he said I really put it on him. I remember a few times he made me stop because he said he could not take it anymore... Was he for real or just not feeling it? I've imagined him telling David how much bigger he is than me. He told me I was bigger than the guy before me, so why wouldn't he do the same to me? I imagine him sucking on Davids dick. I imagine them laying in the bed we use to share. I imagine David in my place... It hurts and its in my mind now because of that so called friend. Now its just not Mark in my head 24/7 it's Mark and David. But I just had to take it one step further. I had to look at Davids face book page...And there I saw it A new Album...There they were looking happy in Marks condo, standing in front of the bookcase I gave him and we stained together last summer. There was David sitting on Marks bed, there they were at the beach... there they were at Davids parents anniversary party I closed the window I could not take anymore. But those pics are blazed in my mind, David does not look as ugly as I once thought, he is not that bad looking and I guess the 11 inches makes him more attractive... My uncle use to say curiosity killed the cat.. In that case I'm road kill! Lesson learned: Ignorance is truly bliss....
Posted by KennonP at 1:31 PM 5 comments
Labels: Lessons Learned, The Mark Files, the move on
our business in the street like yesterdays trash...
My fellow bloggers Fuzzy raised a good point the other day, some people will put your business in the street like yesterdays trash... Coco took me to task for putting Marks business on my blog out of anger. Booth are right. In relationships some of feel the need to share the most intimate parts of our current and former lives with our partner. For some of us its just nice to have someone to talk to, to bear your soul to, someone who knows you. This is nice but I will never do it again. I have a new policy.... My best friend is for venting and showing my black ass and my boyfriend is for romance and pleasant topics, besides no one wants to hear your problems 24/7 anyway it becomes toxic. Until my next boyfriend becomes someone I know I can truly trust I will just keep it calm and light. Romancing,sexxing,dating, easy talk, I'll try to stay away from the negative stuff. When I met Mark I was so impressed by him I felt the need to lay all my cards on the table so he would know what he was dealing with, I never wanted him to have to find out anything bad about me from anyone eels. I guess it came in handy, when his father the pastor had a background check done on me by his buddy the county sheriff (its a small town) Marks mother then went to him and said you know Ken was charged with... Mark was able to say yes I know and, it was when he was 18 in the Army and did a prank that went very wrong. I shared many other personal things with him that I know regret, Now that its over he feels no loyalty to me at all, why should he.. he only knew me a year.. like Fuzzy said he put my business on the curb like the trash. God has given me a best friend that I met the in the first grade and we went all the way to college together. He is straight but has been like a rock to me during this period, he has learned way more about gay relationships than he would probably like and has never made one negative comment. He knows everything... Long story short I will be keeping alot more of me too myself until I feel the person is trust worthy and even then it will be on a need to know basis.. I will have to ask myself, why am I telling him this? What value will it bring to the relationship, what are the pros and cons to telling him. So my broathas and sistas keep your private business and problems to yourself for awhile its could to have something you only know it keeps you in a good position.
Posted by KennonP at 1:28 AM 7 comments
Labels: Lessons Learned
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Truth
Where do I begin? I received a call from a friend today. He called to tell me he had to get a few things to get off his chest. He told he knew Mark was attracted to and dating David about a month or more before he broke up with me. (I just let him talk.. I said nothing) He also said Mark told him after I was so distant and unappreciative after our 6 month anniversary that Mark was pissed and wanted to break it off then, but stayed. He also shared with me Mark and David have been dating since we broke up. After I told Mark I cheated after we broke up, Mark ran to David and David comforted him... I was also told that less than a month after we broke up Mark was taking him to his family church (where his dad is the pastor) and had introduced him to the family... Of course they knew him as he is from the same town... Mark has also meet Davids family and went to his parents anniversary party...(At this point I'm speechless and my body is paralyzed...) He said the two are very happy and all but live together. I asked him why are you telling me all this? He said he could not stand to see me in pain and was hoping the truth would help. So I asked why did Mark really break up with me. He said Ken is was the distance and he was starting to have feelings for David mainly, other factors where his family not liking you, and the anniversary thing. He said but when you came clean and told him you checked his email and cheated he was done, he was so done. It gave him everything he needed to leave and not feel bad about it. He has told everyone including his family that you cheated and went through his stuff as the reason for the break up. He never mentions what he did.... He said you know Mark is a bit of size queen and rumor around here is David has a really big one. ( I kinda knew that when iI found the magnum XL's I just use regular magnums.... when I found the XL Mark swore it was mine, but I pointed out I don't use XL's)..... talk about a ego blow, talk about feeling like less if a man...He asked if I was ok, I told I was (I'm not) and that he had only confirmed what I already suspected. We chatted a bit more and said I had to go. I sat at my desk for an hour...Staring blankly... Imagining David sleeping in Marks bed every night, imaging that XL all up in Mark, imaging Mark really enjoying it and thinking how much bigger his is and how different it feels, imagining how happy they are, imagining how happy the family is glad I'm gone. And kicking myself for opening my big mouth.. Why did I have to confess my sins after the break up? If I had not opened my mouth maybe things would have end differently. One thing is for damn sure its over, been over for Mark and he has moved on, I would be a fool to ever contact him.. I'm done.. I'm numb.. I have to go....
Posted by KennonP at 5:47 PM 6 comments
Labels: The Mark Files, the move on
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Getting it out...clearing my head
I know last nights post was a bit much...But I needed it. I feel better this morning. I actually feel like getting out of the bed and out of the house. I was showered and shaved by 10:30am and I'm half dressed as I write this..This is major progress. My mind is running with how I'm going to pick up the pieces and move on, and get back on the ball with my life.
I didn't burn anything last night :) but I did put some things in a dark corner in the basement. Although there is one gift I got that I really like and use everyday. I probably need to go ahead and put it up too.
I've come to the sad realization Mark really doesn't want to hear from me or really communicate with me, he is just being nice out of his guilt. If he wanted to be friends he would have reached out himself. I'm going to try my best not to contact him again unless he contacts me first. That email I sent (the fuck up) probably pushed him away. I can understand him not wanting to send the wrong signal at all..That's cool... Message received. I'll "fall back". Dude really has moved on with ol' boy in his town, I cant compete with a nigga who lives around the corner lol. So I really need stop embarrassing myself reaching out to a man who does not want me. I don't want to be "that guy"
Well let me throw on a shirt and get of the house, it's a big deal to be out of the house by noon! Maybe those lil pills doc gave me are really kicking in.
Thanks to all you guys and gals for all your love, support, comments and back channel emails. I've met none of you but a few of you but there are few of you I feel very close to. Electronic Hug to you all.... ( Yeah I know that's gay as hell lol)
Posted by KennonP at 11:18 AM 8 comments
Labels: The Mark Files, the move on
Monday, September 22, 2008
Burn muthafuaka burn! I'm bout to set some shit on fire!
Deleted
Posted by KennonP at 9:50 PM 12 comments
Labels: The Mark Files
Sunday, September 21, 2008
It's Over...
Despite everything, because I did not know for sure I held out some hope Mark might still have feelings for me. We chatted online this weekend. He confirmed he his seeing someone new. He would not tell me anymore than that. So it's really over... wow. I was gracious and cool about it..really. When he said he did not want to discuss it. I didn't push the issue. So it's really, really over. He said he was sorry and didn't want to hurt me anymore. I accepted it and told him I want to be friends. ( I do) ... I'm just numb right now...just numb. Who is this new guy? Whats different about him from me? Is it the guy he cheated on me with or someone new? What does he have I don't? Why doesn't he want me? Damn was I that bad? Why can't he tell me about him, Why can't he tell me the truth? I'm numb... Whats wrong with me?Why does it hurt so bad? Why do I feel so sad? Thought I was over you...but I keep crying.....Thought I had let you go....got to get you out of my head...boy you hurt me so, hurt me , hurt me so bad.....
Posted by KennonP at 10:06 PM 4 comments
Labels: The Mark Files
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Two sides to every story...
Thanks all you guys for your support. I think why this is so difficult for me is I'm just starting to acknowledge my part of why we could not reconcile. For the last four months I've felt as if Mark should come to me, but I now realize I hurt him. Yes I all but caught him in bed with another man. Yes he denied, denied, denied, lied, lied, lied until I found a condom of a brand we don't use and I went through his phone and saw a text message saying to the other guy, bring a condom if you want to have sex tonight. Yes he had been chillin with that guy for at least a few weeks, and he admitted to oral sex but never sex...I don't believe it but ok. Yes I did find the text to his friend saying he was letting me go because I was a snob...(This was all the night of the break up) He also admitted to having oral sex with his ex, but I think they had sex... Now since he was telling all this I decided to tell the truth to. I admitted to going through and checking his emails and social networking site accounts, and going through his phone and text. I also admitted to my one time sexual encounter with another dude. What made it worse it was a few days before our 6 month anniversary earlier this year. That seem to really set him off. I explained to him we were going through somethings and I messed up. He never did tell me why he cheated. I think he did more cheating than I know about. Apparently he says he cant trust me because I cheated once and went through his email. I never said this to him but I wish I would have: I forgave him for cheating the first 6 weeks we were together, forgave him for lies, helped him with school stufff, co signed a auto loan for him ( it was only a 12 month loan and he paid it even after we broke up its now paid off) I put up with all is family ( they hated me, he is from raul Tennessee near the Georgia boarder) I was the first man he bought home and from the city...yeah they were nice to my face but he told me the things they would ask or say behind my back, his sister treated me like shit. and other lil things I did for him....and he cant forgive me for one mess up and checking his email? WOWYou know as I write this, I see all the crap I put up with. I know he once loved me I think I know he had to take me home to his family, insist I spend holidays with his family, write me love letters etc I think I know what caused him to stop loving me. our 6 month anniversary I was in crappy mode, that's around the time I cheated and I was feeling guilty. I told him he over spent on me and to take some of the gifts back, we had a few arguments that night and never even made love that night as I was so guilty. I think that's when he fell out of love with me, then to find out after we broke up that day was awful because I cheated, I guess I see it. I guess that really hurt him. I was willing to forgive me but I think with all the pressure from his family not liking me, and the other guy being up there in Tennessee in the same town, the distance and what I told him, he just could not forgive me. I still don't understand why he just cut me off but I guess I will have to just deal with it. We both messed up...I'm not feeling as bad about the email now. I'm glad I put it out there. He knows how I feel and that's fine. He can do with it what he likes. At least he knows....This blog has really help me put things in perspective. Mark was going to dumped me before I told him anything, he cheated even when he did not know I had. I often what would have happened if I had not checked his email and phone, would we have worked it out? Would he have grown out of it and fell back in love with me.... Maybe ignorance is bliss? I know this much I wont be checking the next boyfriends email or phone, the truth will come out in time and I will never ever cheat again, all it left me with was guilt and suspicion.Yes I still love Mark and yes I would take him back, maybe that's my own self esteem issue, I don't know. In my mind I know I should not accept that, but my heart says differently. I'm not ready to be friends with him, although I think of him daily and wonder what he is doing and who he might be doing it with, its hard to let go of the guy who I thought was the man of my dreams. I feel like I can never replace him... That's the hard part, the feeling of me messing up a good thing. Maybe if I had not cheated he would have taken me back... Maybe he just could not deal with that. So this is where I am. God give me the strenght to heal, learn from my mistakes, and get my act together to focus on business, my education, and improving my life.Sincerely,KP
Posted by KennonP at 4:18 PM 7 comments
Labels: The Mark Files
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Moving on...
I acknowledge the relationship between Mark and I is over. I acknowledge that if he really wanted me he would be with me dispute both our mistakes. I acknowledge Mark has moved on with his love life, education, and life in general and I need to do the same. I acknowledge Mark probably is not even thinking about me and only replies to my emails to be polite. I acknowledge if he wanted any type of real friendship he would answer my call. I acknowledge I probably will never know the full truth about Mark and I will waste valuable time thinking about it and trying to figure it out. I acknowledge I need help to move on and let go.What I need help with is: I work from home, take my classes online, and studying for the GMAT so I can go to business school are all done from home. With the exception of the gym and food I don't have to leave the house. So while Mark for the last four months has had to wake up go to work, then go to class,, gym and family stuff. I have not. If I had a traditional go to work job and school I probably would be forced to move further along. So what do I do to start moving on and getting out of the house? HelpAlso the best way to get over someone is to get out there and start dating... Problem: I'm not into the gay scene and really don't want too be. I refuse to go on adam, BGC, or any site like that to find a guy. I met Mark online and I've met other online and it really has never worked. So where do I meet a guy?SEE MY PROBLEM! HELP!
Posted by KennonP at 4:21 PM 11 comments
Labels: The Mark Files, the move on
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
The Fuck Up!
So Mark and I traded emails over the weekend. I kept it cool and so did he. He sent me a email today it was cool even had a compliment or two in there. Why did I write him back saying it would be cool to link up again and that I miss him and still love him and forgive him for the past.Of course I said longer and deeper than that. As soon as I sent it I knew it was a mistake. I called my best friend and he about cussed me out for sending it, I called my other friend he was nicer but still was like that was waaaaay to much. I know Mark, that email is going to cause him to nothing but retreat and shut down. So why did I even send it? Why didn't I just politely reply to his email, do a little fishing for info over a period of time and then let it out the bag slowly. Now all he is going to see is same old impulsive, heart on his sleeve Ken. What a mistake. After I vowed to myself I would not send a email with out reading it to my best friend first, its like something came over me. That was this morning. After that I didn't get out of bed till 3pm I'm behind in all my work and about to fail a class I'm taking. I think I shaved around 4 and got something to eat and now back in the bed... I know what he is going to do...Just not respond. I was going to send an email clarifying what I said and saying I should not have sent that email, but my best friend said don't send another email until I get some type of response. So I guess if I never get a response I should never contact him again. Both Mark and I messed up, we both strayed during the relationship, so its not all him...I just miss him. I cant even function, I have not left the house in 36 hours... I keep checking my email for a reply I'm sure I will never get. boy did I fuck up!PSThanks to all of you who left comments on my last post. I can't believe you guys took the time to write such comments.. They really helped.
Posted by KennonP at 4:51 PM 10 comments
Labels: The Mark Files
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Random Question
Where does Troy http://troynotorious.blogspot.com/ find all these pictures of real life sexy Black men?His page is frustrating, because some of them I want to email...but just pictures... lol
Posted by KennonP at 6:25 PM 5 comments
Labels: Random
Monday, September 8, 2008
Are you a jump off thinking you are a husband?
1.Hubby2. Baby boy3. Side Piece4. Jump Off1) Hubby is the sexiest, most successful and most respected of all the men. he is loved; needed and wanted by his man...he is VIRTUALLY IRREPLACEABLE. he is the guy that the guy loves and will always love, he never wants to see him with another man...BUT he will cheat on him with Baby boy until he is mature enough to realize that if he gets caught or f*&ks up in any way and loses hubby, he would be screwed, and NEVER be happy again. Hubby gets along with mom, is independent, never nags, loves to dress well, can handle his business be it corperate or home making. Hubby gets called 5 or 6 times a day. Drawback of Hubby, he might like public displays of affection...which might interfere with the acquisition of a Side Piece.2. Baby Boy is ALWAYS just as hot as Hubby and usually has a very active social life...he IS replaceable, thinks he's the next hubby, but will only be hubby y if an extreme disaster takes place. Baby boy gets some of the benefits of Hubby, like quality time every now and then and even presents on birthdays and holidays, but that's as far as it goes. The main reason to have Baby boy is in case hubby really really f*&ks up, he can be replaced in a matter of weeks because Baby boy has been groomed to slip right into his spot.Be careful of Baby boy, he tends to be just as attached as Wifey and therefore can be dangerous to the Side Piece. Biggest benefit of Baby boy...he is extremely private and hates causing a scene, baby boy can come into the same restaurant as you and huby and huby will have no idea you two even know each other. Baby boy is a master of disguise as well.3) Side Piece, can me male or female that the guy uses only for sex and other pleasures, he/she is usually the one that he goes to for that 3some or some late night head after the club. When hubby is acting up and Baby boy is at work, the Side Piece is usually the one to hold him over for a few hours. He can meet with the Side Piece for reasons other than sex, but normally that only happens one week during the month. Side Pieces are hard to spot when they are out because most of his friends are either hubby's or Jump Offs. Drawback of having more than one side piece, they usually know each other somehow... we kinda think there is a side piece network or something. Try to keep your side piece count below 4 if possible.4) Jump Off...every man's dream and worst nightmare. he is trying to move up in life, wants to be a Side Piece or Wifey, but doesn't know how to go about it. They are just the guys he hollas at when he is with his boys...he is usually stored in the cell phone by a nickname/screen name because he barely remembers his real name and where he met him...he only recalls how fat/big the ass/dick was. The Jump Off gets called in emergencies only, when hubby is moody, baby boy is on vacation, and side piece is with his boo of the month. The Jump Off is extremely dangerous in public for a number of reasons, he is usually 5 other guys jumpoff as well, so he might cause drama with you and one of those dudes if you slip up, he also has no problem confronting you in the mall when you are with Hubby (something that baby boy would NEVER do) and the most dangerous thing about Jump Off...he ALWAYS seems to find out where you live and or work.Moral of this: Think very hard about which you are! If you are not a hubby change your ways, did you notice anything below baby boy is not referred to as anything human? Hubby we know is human, baby boy is human, but a side piece? side piece of what? Jump off? Jump of...not even human! If you are a playa, stop playing before you lose your hubby and get stuck forever with second best!
Posted by KennonP at 8:12 AM 8 comments
Labels: Blast from the past
Friday, September 5, 2008
You won't belive this S*ht..These dudes get the DL Award...
Well guys let me set this up first.
Since "Mark" and I broke up, I've unblocked a few guys from my yahoo messenger list. I blocked them because I wanted no temptation and out of respect for my relationship. Now that it's over I've unblocked a few and resumed conversation... So I'm chatting with one guy we will call him "Mr.SuperDL"... after about 20 mins of catching up (as best you can with a DL liar) he asked me if I wanted to come over and chill, have a beer. (I don't drink beer, but I wanted to meet him) I say sure and about 45min later pop up at is Apt door. Now, I've never seen "Mr.SuperDL" not a picture or anything all I knew was he was 32, 6'4, 210, brown skin and said he was attractive. Since I had kinda known him awhile (via online) and knew he was a DL fool not seeing what he looked liked never really bothered me ( I knew from the jump it would never be and if it was it would be physical only). Before I left he asked me what type of car I drove ( I thought his odd since we were meeting at his place and not a parking lot but whatever) I told him I drive a Audi, he asked me what color..I told him. I'm thinking to myself this is weird but whatever. I wanted to get out of the house, I knew I was not sleeping with this fool but I did want to see him and chill. He opened the door and he was every bit as good looking as his stats sound. He spoke well, but not to well, lol. I'm thinking to myself why do all the straight acting masculine brothas have to be DL crazies but whatever. He gives me the once over and tells me I look good and how he thought I might be soft or something because I'm comfratable with my sexuality. Just as I'm getting comfortable "Mr.SuperDL's" roommate pops out, He is sexxy too, I'm introduced and Mr. Roomate says he is going to run to the store.... "Mr.SuperDL" offers me a beer and we start talking while we are talking he is texting (somehow I knew it was his roommate..I just did.) Next thing I know Mr. Roommate is walking back into the apt, I'm thinking damn that's a quick trip to the store, but said nothing. Roommate goes into his room and closed the door. "Mr.SuperDL" says he needs to go the bathroom, I'm like cool... I'm not sure what came over me, maybe it was being raised by all women or maybe it was my 3 years in Military Intelligence...I saw he left he cell on the coffee table, before you could say DL I had the phone open and reading his text... It was the roommate he was texting here is how it went.
Roommate: What kind of car is it?
"Mr.SuperDL" : Silver Audi
Roommate: I see it
Roommate: Naw he don't got our school
Roomate: Don't seem like he is in our frat I don't see any frat stuff on the car
"Mr.SuperDL" Any gay shit on is car?
Roommate: Naw just some Obama sticker
Roommate: yo he has a ______, sticker on his car
"Mr.SuperDL" aiight
I sat the phone back down, about 2 min later "Mr.SuperDL" comes out of the bathroom. We have some more idle chit chat then Mr. Roommate comes out and grabs a beer then all three of us start talking but why do I feel like I'm being interviewed and they are not all that smooth about it either. I start playing along, cuz nothing they are telling me is the truth, Ain't nobody from Cali with a Southern accent like that, sounds like Alabama to me, so since they want to be from Cali I pulled , Madison, Wisconsin out my ass, lol. They didn't know what to say to that. I'm starting to get tired of these two, so I'm like I gotta be up early so I'm about to roll out. "Mr.SuperDL" looks disappointed (I'm thinking he thought something would pop off) but I'm thinking I'm not about to do anything with this nut job. Long story short I bring my ass back home and laughed all the way.
Now to me that's some extreme DL shit with the roommate checking my car out, but I give them props it was smart. Today I paid extra close attention to cars. I went to lunch with a straight friend today. I peeped his car which I've seen 100 times but never like this. I saw the expired school parking decal from the school where he got his masters last year, his frat tag,his community association sticker, his employment parking lot sticker, and his Obama sticker. By looking a his car I can tell you Where he went to school, What frat he is in, Where he lives, where he works and he is a democrat...wow! Yeah "Mr.SuperDL" and Roommate had their game tight with the car thing smart...very smart, but not smart enough to get the dick they probably both wanted...LOL
Posted by KennonP at 3:17 PM 12 comments
Labels: Ni**as
Thursday, September 4, 2008
He may not come when you want him, but he is always on time….
How many of us have heard that one before? For me it’s true. Some of you may remember from my old blog, that I have a small contract with a government agency, I can always count on it to keep the bills paid in the lean months. (As a small business owner some months are better than others.) The problem is my agency contact is a real bitch, no way around it. I don’t think she liked the idea a “minority” got the contract, not only is she a bitch but her boss, the agency head is ultra right wing nut job. When he saw the Obama sticker on the back of my Audi, I knew we were going to have problems…How about old boy filed some type of “ethics query” on me because I offered to take him to breakfast while traveling on business. The memo he got back said, They do no investigate meals under $20.00….Yeah y’all heard me correctly dude tried to get on me on a $12.00 hotel breakfast buffet. I may have a contract with them but that does not mean they can’t try to make my life a living hell.Anyway, last year they sent me to “East Hell” (lol)...It was the worse, but while there I ran into an agency head and he tells me they are looking for xyz….I’m like cool I can do that. I had to get a few certifications and jump through some governmental hoops, but it was my ticket out of the old contract into a new and better contract with a better agency at twice the money for half the work….I like that math. So yesterday I drop off the nearly 100 pages of documents I needed to get the contract. I got a phone call today saying everything looked good but they needed one more form (Damn) The form needs to be signed off by the current agency I’m with…(Damn). Quick on my feet I asked in case I can’t get the signature in by the deadline is there anything else you can take in its place. Of course there is, she told me what I need normally takes 6 weeks but I need to get it in 2 weeks! So long story short, I’ve forgotten about Mark enough to start doing what I need to, because if it’s one thing I want more than the truth from Mark is; out of this contract with the old agency. I just can’t wait till they figured out what hit them, and by that time it will be too late. I’ve been to the gym, getting things in order and hopefully this will be the motivation I need to get out of this depression! So again God is right on time, because I was about go down hill and quick!PSThanks for all your words of encouragement; they really meant a lot to me.
Posted by KennonP at 11:57 PM 4 comments
Labels: Random
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
What the fuck is wrong with me?
What the fuck is wrong with me? I talked with my ex “Mark” last week and it fucked me up all over again. I was doing so well, getting back on my game hitting the gym daily, studying for the GMAT, etc. Now for the last week I’ve been one depressed puppy. All the hurt came back to the surface. All the lies he told me, and it seems like everything was lie, it was like he was playing some sick game… The conversation wasn’t all that much, just a few words and a update, I put on a brave face and tried to make it seem like everything was great and I’ve moved on… but since talking with him, I’ve not been to the gym, not been studying my GMAT, and not doing my other work, I’ve basically been laying around eating and sleeping…This is not good. I made an appointment with my “doctor” I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but this has to stop. There are work emails I need to return, but I haven’t. There is help available for a project I’m working on and I won’t even make the call. I was doing so well. I can never talk to him again period. I’m so not ready… Lord please help me, I am not trying to ruin my life over this nigga. Y’all I would love to know the real truth, If there is anything I want more right now is the truth about Mark. Who is he really, why did he play the head games, why all the lies? Why, why, why and the truth that’s what I want. I don’t think anyone knows the truth but him….
Posted by KennonP at 11:52 AM 8 comments
Labels: The Mark Files
Monday, September 1, 2008
Places I've never been....
I’ve done some fucked up stuff in my life. I’ve told a lot of lies, played some games and done a lot of crazy things in my younger days… These social networking sites, face book, my space, twitter etc, help me to see how interconnected we all are, even when we don’t know it. Did ______ tell ______ what I did to him 7 years ago in college? Oh shit ______, ________, ________ and _______ are friends have they discussed me? I did some crazy shit to all of them. Looking back I can’t tell you why I did some of the stuff I did in college and after. I know I’m not that person anymore, but hell they don’t know that the last time we spoke was right after whatever crazy incident I did to them. They say your reputation goes places you’ve never been, where has mine been over the years? What about that dude I was really into a few years ago, who told me how much he liked me but said he couldn’t date me because “Ken I’ve heard you are a heartbreaker” ….Me? Naaaah.. He is joking right? I thought to myself I’ve only broken one guys heart that I knew of, I was 20 and stupid and have apologized more times over the years than I should have. It can’t be him? Who could be? I’ll never know….My rep went some place I didn’t…How many times has my rep bitten me in the ass and I didn’t even know about it?I guess a lot of things have inspired this post, looking at folk’s friends list, my ex, just me thinking. But I’m learning and maybe to late… there are no secrets and whatever you do people will tell, even when you didn’t mean any harm it will be bent out of shape and turned back on you. Be careful who you befriend, be careful who you let into your life, and be careful how much of you, you share with that person, because you never know when that person will stop being your friend or if they ever were a friend…
Posted by KennonP at 10:42 AM 2 comments
Labels: Lessons Learned
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
NOTICE: I don't do labor day...
Sorry fellas , but thanks for all the back line email and what not, but I don't do labor day in Atlanta, and to be honest if you do... You are not my type!1. No I'm not going to meet you- I won't be in town I'm taking my dog locking my house and running in the opposite direction.2. No I don't want to meet you and your gay ass friends...see #13. umm No you can't crash at my house -Nikka are you crazy?4. Nah I'm not coming to your house party...See above-- not into guys that do the circuit.5. For those of you coming please note this will be an HIV buffet, so govenrn yourself accordingly and WRAP IT UP! Put on a CONDOM!6. Just save your money Don't Come! Hotel, car, gas, clubs , eating out , clothes and all the other silliness y'all will spend money on is sooo not worth it. Pay off a credit card, pay down debt, buy something for your house or apt, do something for you, not for others, just do something wiser with your money!7. What's the point?8. If you are coming here looking for a man.. Don't! What does it say about a man who does the gay circuit? Or man who will waste his money to party and go meet boys-hmmmm I'd like to see his credit score. Wouldn't you rather have man that would spend the holiday with his family, or something other than gay pride? How many other guys is he "meeting" this weekend? Think on it fellas!
Posted by KennonP at 1:23 PM 10 comments
Labels: Blast from the past
Monday, August 25, 2008
What a difference a year makes…
Well guys I’m back. I shut my old blog down upon meeting Mr. Wonderful. My dumb ass thought it wise not share things with y'all I would not share with him. I also cut off most of my friends (Big Mistake) I made some stupid mistake. Some of you may remember him as “Mark” the tall country boy. Well Mr. Innocent tall country boy turned out too be a major liar with major Internet issues… Why didn't I break up with him when I found the naked pictures of him online 6 weeks after we started dating? Why didn't I break up with him when I caught him in lie 4 weeks into the relationship...he had slept with his ex....Why didn't I break up with him after all the family drama? Why didn't I break up with him after he told me he missed his ex? Why didn't I break up with him after finding out he had a A4A account? Why did he break up with me? Yeah he took me threw it and I probably could have really used you guys support. Its been 4 months since the break up and I still don’t know the truth from the lies… He pulled one over on me big time! Not the Ken is perfect, but damn I’m no liar. I’ll go into details later.. But for now I’m back and stronger, wiser, better!
Posted by KennonP at 6:33 PM 2 comments
Labels: Lessons Learned
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Back!
Well after nearly a year I have decided to come back to blogging.
Posted by KennonP at 10:41 PM 4 comments
6 years ago
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